Jul 2005

Day 16 starts with lies, damned lies about wake up and taxi times! Apparently we're all far too lazy to be trusted to wake up in time, so we're woken an extra hour early to make sure we do today on time! Damned lies! Damned Annie! Aye, but we have a plane to catch you see. We're leaving Miri already (no offence to it)... on our way inland to Bario! So off we toodled to the airport by our lovely mini-busses/cars/taxis/whatever, had more odd ice-cream at the airport then went to get on the plane... if you can call it that. It was a wee little thing, no more than 18 seats, all squished together - "Twin Otter" they call it around these parts! We rattled off into the sky, not being too sure if we'd make it, but not caring as we were all so goddam tired. The flight (what a flight! we could talk to the pilots!) lasted about 40 minutes, and we landed PERFECTLY in Bario on a grass strip. Airport facilities were few and far between, as were any airport buildings really, so we just hopped off the plane, got our bags from the plane's nose section and hopped onto the back of a waiting pick-up truck. Not randomly... at least we think it was there to pick us up! Bario is a reasonable sized village near Kalimantan (Indonesian part of Borneo), and seemed very charming as we were bundled in, bags and all in the back of this jeep down a deliberately bumpy route it seemed!
We were taken through the village, to a house (like a homestay) owned by a lady called Nancy (she had some link to Sampson...) There, we dropped all our kit, perhaps ate a bit, maybe had a poo. Who knows?! It seemed clean and friendly, so top job! We also saw the devastation that leeches can cause - we thought a boy who had returned from the jungle with his team had gashed his leg open!
Anyway, as evening lurked we went to play volleyball with that other team... lads they were! Ish. It got quite competitive, but all good fun... I'm just glad I didn't have to retrieve the ball from the buffalo-infested waters!
Bario was a lively little place, with a local shop or two, a church, a town hall and really nice locals. Everything had to be flown in by plane though, which is quite an incredible thought. It didn't seem we were THAT remote, but looks can be decieving. Ah wait, thinking about it, there are no roads into the place!
That evening, back at Nancy's, me and Soos played a great game! It was pin the tail (what did we use?!) on the "donkey" (what did we use again?!!!). It just ended in chaos, with "things" belonging to girls in our group being thrown everywhere! Ah, good times, good times!

"Bariiio, Bariiio, Do for me Bario. Bariiio, Bariiio!"

Headline: Soos cannot poo...

Day 15. Goodbye Sabah, Hello Sarawak! We took a short flight on a hilariously named Fokker plane from Kota Kinabalu (Sabah) to Miri (Sarawak) to explore new parts of Borneo! Fresh in Miri airport, we swooped upon the ice-ream stand, and feasted upon the odd flavours (Yam, Sweetcorn and some name that sounded like Mackerel!). We even took great advantage of the help-yourself chocolate and strawberry sauces, dousing and re-dousing our ice creams in it's gooeyness! All this for RM3.50, or around 48p!
A bus was meant to take us from the airport to our hostel, but after re-fuelling and struggling, it promptly died on us. Thus, and on a busy road, we bundled onto a schoolbus (ha!), much to the dismay of the kids - it was worse than sardines, and sheer chaos when the kids needed to get off before us! After some of the school children had somehow managed exit the bus, we were driven to what I presume was the main bus station in Miri. We then had to walk (Walk! The Cheek!) the rest of the way to our cushy hostel called De Centre. It was now that the real pain in the legs from the mountain climb started. We were walking to the hostel, in the midday heat, heavy bags on back. My legs were clinically unable to walk up or downhill... or on the flat. God it was painful! I was QUITE a pissed off young man!
At the hostel (which had damn stairs!), we met our dear Sampson again (THE Borneo man!). He talked to us about our next few days, and slight itinerary change... not that i was listening... i was too busy trying to alleviate the pain!
Then came a tasty lunch across the road, supermarket sweep (shopping i mean), lazyness and a KFC/McD food trip in the evening - NOT ME, urgh! How could they?! I got noodles instead in a restaurant with tank-fulls of live bullfrogs... Soos got chikken-duped! It later turned out that evening that Kyle had been hoarding the Kissu all along. This is the same piece of safety gear that we couldn't find whilst at the base of Mt. Kinabalu! The same stretch of domed fabric that we had so desperately needed up freezing Mt. Kinabalu! The same tent-like structure that could've warmed us up nicely on the 4,100m high peak! The bastard!
The night ended with watching of stunt shows on tv in the hostel. I tried to sort my stuff... and failed!

It turned out that

De Centre is a nice ho(s)tel...

Day 14. A night at Poring Hot Springs meant time to try and recover, although I feel the true pain from the mountain climb may take time to settle in! We washed clothes, got SOME of the stink out. Just a bit, mind. Last night i slept in a room with 7 of us and one bemused-looking Malay man! Poring is nothing amazing... as we were promised. Just a bunch of pools and baths. Good fun swimming and bathing in them though.
In the morning we travelled back to lovely KK by some sort of mini-bus as per usual... which was late! Calvey soon told him off, and got us a nice discount! "No, YOU'RE wrong!"
We went back to "Planet Kinabalu" hostel in order to get ready for a much-deserved R&R day - woop! The hostel stairs were now sheer hell. Every painful step pulled muscles that couldn't be pulled anymore and twisted joints that were already internally bleeding!
Anyway, after some vital faffing, we went to the dockside and boarded an ickle tiny speedboat to go and visit one of KK's nearby islands. The journey was fast and bumpy and got us there in no time! The island (i forget the name) was crowded, but i got in some fiiiiiiine sunbathing and snorkelling - saw a few non-exciting fish real close-up. It was my first time snorkelling so half the time was spent adjusting my goggles and mouthpiece, sticking my head below water, choking, then re-adjusting!
The day was going so well until a tropical storm turned up to join in the fun. It swirled in, creating a rain and sand smorgasbord that attacked us... and our sunburn! Proceedingly, the boat was late picking us up, but we had fun just beering it and looking at the billions of fish that were coming up to the surface as they thought the rain splashes were food being dropped in the water! Despite a boat engine cut, and me stubbing and cutting my toe at the atrociously slippery dockside, we returned to dry land, all having had a great day... although Adam (leader) didn't think so... he complained to the man that sold us the trip saying we were just abandoned on the island... kinda true, but it was more fun that way! Anyway, he got Su (assistant leader) and husband a free snorkelling adventure by his complaining, so it worked out ok!
Tonight was the last night we'd spend in KK, so we went to town! Can you guess? Yup, "Cock & Bull" again! Beer drinking was slow due to all-day drinking, but ah well!

...................."i'm too sexy..."

Day 13... started at 1am with a bowl of unfulfilling cereal and crap-milk! Oh the hell of it! At 2am, it was time to venture out into the dark (headtorches ready!). The plan, very basic one, was to climb to the 4,100m summit of Kinabalu - woop! Despite the uphill-ness, 'twas easy at first, until it got windy and colder the further we went (Zoe pulled out somewhere around here, and was led back down by Leader Su and a guide... i think). With 1km walking distance left to the top, i was f.r.o.z.e.n (esp. hands!) It was sheer hell for the last few steps... The rope that was there for an extra guide and safety only chafed my hands further, causing them to swell to double their size!
Just as the situation seemed to go on and on, with no end in sight, pain excrutiating, and gradient increasing... Finally, Low's Peak! We scrambled, swering profusely up the last few jagged, cold rocks. My hands were so cold and hurting so much i had to hold onto the guide rope using my elbow...
At the top all we could do was huddle - not even see any planned views / sunrise as the conditions were awful. Apparently it was the worst conditions the mountain had had for a long time, with temperatures as long as minus 15c with windchill. You certainly couldn't see clearly for more than a metre in front of you. I was so goddam cold i felt like i was going to go unconcious at any second as we huddled closely, sitting down, curled up... we stayed and froze at the summit only long enough for Soos to (somehow) have a pee... and for Lyndz to do some bra adjusting...
I had never been so cold in all my life, and paid the price for only wearing a shirt and thin coat, with no gloves... Oh dear. Quite a silly and collossel mistake!
We could've had the option of warmth if we'd brought the Kissu (giant orange fabric dome to sit under and trap heat). But before we'd left off to start the climb, no-one could find it! We knew SOMEONE had it as we'd been carrying it about all expedition, but no-one knew who! If we hadn't of had the Kissu and the guides, the climb would've been too dangerous, and would've been cancelled. Maybe if we'd've known the conditions would be this bad, we'd've cancelled it anyway, with guides and without Kissu.
In agony and rain, we descended from the peak as quikkly as we could allow ourselves to. My feet hurt and slopped about in the wet (having to abseil down a newly-created waterfall certainly didn't help!). I got warmer and better slowly, and we all began to recover... although there was still the prospect of having to get down the mountain which we'd have to do in one go! Today!
We briefly stopped at the 3,100m restaurant before death-marching to the point where we started the other day... back down the gazillion steps whilst constantly needing a piss... singing the final countdown, thinking we were near the end, when we weren't at all... thus, we sang that for about an hour! It felt a TINY bit easier going down, but hurt more.
I somehow (think: relief!) managed to run up the last few steps to the point where we started the mountain climb. It was such a great feeling knowing we'd done it, and everyone (or maybe just me) was greatly invigorated! Ready to do it again!
It was then onto crappy-ish Poring Hot Springs for a bath/swim by mini-bus, to rest our dreary, weary limbs, muscles and souls...

There's dogs all over the road...

Day 12: The pot noodle-esque breakfast was somewhat silly and unfulfilling! Day sacks on our backs, we feebly trundled out of our accomodation, to the site's reception area. Here, we handed over our large main rucksacks, having the cheek to put them all in 2 huge plastic survival sacks! This was to avoid the very small fee per bag, and we got away with it!
A short bus journey later, up some twisty road, past where we'd slept last night, we had arrived at the "start!". At this point, we came upon a board with record times for scaling the mountain. The record for men was just over 2 hours or something silly! That can't be true... we'll be taking 2 damn DAYS! And someone said that was the time for going up AND down!!! Surely not?! Can the locals get any more super human?! They'd beat Spiderman anyday. The wuss.
Raring to go, to begin the climb we first had to go downhill! The slope was lengthy and straight, before the first steps UP the appeared! And these were BIG steps in places. Big, uneven steps that even my lanky legs had trouble with! 2,500 steps of leg-mangling uphill-ness... with nothing but flying fish and chocolate monkeys for company... to eat, i meant. Walk. Walk. Walk. ALL UPHILL!
... how knackering!
... how sweatful!
... how uber-painful!
No words can really explain what it was like... maybe like doing every cross country you've ever done in one day... possibly. Actually, that's a crap comparison. It was k.n.a.c.k.e.r.i.n.g anyway!
However the pain was somewhat compensated by some really amazing views - across valleys etc, through clouds, all sorts of wildlife and plants... and the most revolting leggings ever! Some disgusting bright luminous colour on a shrivelled middle-aged woman... "Mmm... Leggings!" Ha! The catchphrase of the whole expedition is born! Thankyou Calvey.
It was also bewildering to regularly pass or be passed by frail, old porters carrying objects lat east twice there size. These items and supplies were hoisted upon their heads and backs, held in wicker baskets. I'm sure I saw some kind of tumble dryer being transported up the mountain, as well as a dozen crates of Coke bottles! These people truly put us to shame with their strength... and knobbly knees... that were feckin' muscly!
Ahoy! The end for today is in sight! At last, the (higher up) restaurant! After some food in the 3,100m high restaurant (which was still a stupid walk from where we were sleeping!), it's bed time i think. We're all very much oh so tired, and with the prospect of a 1am wake-up...

Borneo's hostels are scummier / MUCH colder at this height!